Thanks to you all for taking the time to answer, I've never been able to speak about how my life has been and for the longest time I thought it was normal, I didn't know that it wasn't right. Im not very good at things in my life but being a father is what I excel at and I give her all the love that I can and try my hardest to hide my pain or grief from her. I just want a full life and still feel selfish for wanting it.