I'm just having a hard time here. I've been doing lots of things by myself because every time I'm with a group of people, my brain turns off and I end up just sitting there on mute. It makes me feel so stupid that I'd rather just not try in the first place. And then sometimes I do say something and I just get ignored. I wonder how long it's going to take my friends to forget about me altogether. I've had friends who were depressed and I didn't stop being friends with them over it, but I got frustrated for sure. And now I have the feeling that I'm putting my friends in that position. I hate being The One Who Is Having Problems.

AND I missed my counseling appointment because she got sick, which is just UNFAIR. Besides the fact that I really needed to talk to anyone, I was all geared up to say that I was willing to see the psychiatrist and now I'm not even sure whether it's going to happen this semester. That might not be a bad thing in the long run, but right now it's very frustrating.

I know things could get worse, but they're bad enough right now. All I want to do is sleep. Or throw things. Last night I had a dream where I went into a store with a lot of expensive glassware, and I methodically picked up each piece and smashed it on the floor. It made me feel a lot better, actually.

I'm sorry for rambling on for so long when I haven't been responding to other people very much...I've been reading, I just didn't feel like I had anything of value to say. I just needed to complain today.