hi steve and welcome to pc!  so glad u found us and posted your thread about what's going on. the first thought i had is that u're so very busy pleasing everyone else you don't leave anything for yourself. meaning we need to be kind to ourselves first or we can become drained dry by helping/kindness to others.
lots of good replies here. i particularly like the byz's reply about seeing a psychologist. it really helped me and i had some of the same behaviors and thoughts as you. now i am the new and improved me.  you need a sounding board in real life to help you understand ways to cope and untangle all that's going on/psychologist. hope you are able to see one.
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Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle.
The world you desired can be won. It exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours..~Ayn Rand
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