Hi Jazzy--you're doing great at thinking this all out for yourself! Pain is very hard to see into...it's this huge fog riddled with "cold pricklies" as they used to say. So, very, very good job.

My advice? It's confusing for another person to plunge right into our feelings. I get more of what I want from people if I condense the topics even further than you already have. Like:
1. Painful confusion over a flippant kiss from a girl really upset me right before I got to see you last time.
2. I am afraid you don't "see" me: I am in pain in here a lot...and I want to work on that, but I think you think I only talk about my pain, but I talk about others' too--like that poem I wrote for young abused girls.
3. I think you held back in telling me what you think about my idea of majoring in psych, and that added to my worry that you hold back a lot, and I think it is all negative.
4. I sent a powerful email awhile ago--you remember the one?--and I think it may have changed things between us. I'm worried that it may have offended you.

I probably messed up in my summaries, but they're illlustrations. I hope they didn't in any way offend you.

When I look at this list, I know my own t would say this is more than we can get to in one session, but that we can decide which to address today and make a plan to talk about the others next time or in short (limited # of words) emails. The important thing for me is that I not get trapped in that horrible, painful, frustrated silence that does come with not being able to even be heard, let alone seen. The more concrete and concise I can make my statements, the more quickly my t will understand "where we are", what terrain I need to cover with him. And he will understand that a large part of the anxiety I brought into the room with me is that I have so much to talk about and that they are relationship topics with him--that I am asking for reassurance about our relationship before I will be able to do any work that I can even remember this session. (And that always brings up a discussion of what our relationship is and isn't, and that is very, very important and changes some of my feelings and thoughts.)

You are so brave to be able to face your topics. Your strength is very beautiful.