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No, no he didn't actually abandon me at all -- we talked about his responses to reassure me making me more rather than less dependent on him, and I agreed that it wasn't helping me in the long run. He still responds to emails occasionally, but not the desperate pleas for help because I wasn't learning to self-soothe. But it felt like he was abandoning me when I really wanted him to respond with reassurance even after we had agreed that it wasn't helping me. I had to learn to do this and I knew that he was aware of my struggles when I emailed him, raging at him and cursing him. Kind of like a kid when limits are set. I wanted him to "take care of me" but that wasn't and isn't his job. He does what no one else in my life has ever done -- he remains committed to caring about me and helping me understand why I behave the way I do in relationships. I have learned that I don't need him to meet those needs for love and nurturing because I have greater needs for his guidance, patience and expertise -- and those are needs that no one else in my life can meet for me.
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