Quote:
Originally Posted by Melbadaze
Ouch, abandoned you when you needed him?
Can I ask how long you emailed looking for reasurance before he withdrew that? I felt uncomfortable reading this post. Sounded still very much like self punishment, ie, we had to hurt, he abandoned me, he stopped emails? all very smacky hand.
I email T and she responds, how I use email changes though, it doesnt remain static, and yes we sit together with the pain as well, and I accuse her of not caring, but not because shes withdrawn herself, thats just transference, she remains "there" for me, that hasn't hindered my ablity to regulate my emotions, its a great support toward that. Actually there are no shoulds or must's or painful rejections in therapy, why would I put myself through that? theres lots of acceptence, availabilty and "holding and containment" that cannot be done if she withdraws.
I went into therapy used to corporal punishment not looking for more.
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I do think there are lots of shoulds and musts in therapy. Based on my own personal therapy experience, one of them was stepping out of the therapeutic relationship and creating support and love for myself.
What I do not think, however, is that there is a
timeline for that step - or any other thing it therapy. It takes as long as it takes. I didn't get where I was overnight, and I wasn't coming out of it overnight either. It is what it is and it's still an everyday thing.
I don't know what I would have done if my therapist had put the brakes on before I was ready. This was something I did myself, in my own space. I never felt abandoned, just more and more empowered and confident.