I really appreciate all of these posts: every one of them is full of truth, full of shared experience. Thank you.

Therapy has taken a long time for me--two years of nurturance and learning to trust--and feeling like I am "seen" and understood; a year of attempting to learn to self-soothe--still have a lot of trouble with that, but I have been able to stop cutting; a year of trying to learn to create other relationships outside of therapy--isn't happening beyond a vastly improved ability to be a "good enough" mother; something we're doing now that I'm still trying to grasp and don't know how to name....We circle a lot--spiral, I guess--and I realize I haven't actually heard many of the things he's said over and over.....And it's all okay. I am very grateful for my therapist.

He still reassures me upon occasion, I still have meltdowns, he is still teaching me methods of communication and forgiveness and gratitude...We have a ways to go: I am far from independent. He's always there, though, repeats that he his there, helps me coordinate other aspects of my life