Thread: Burlesque
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Old Nov 28, 2010, 03:48 PM
Galetre Galetre is offline
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Member Since: Nov 2010
Posts: 67
Quote:
Originally Posted by salukigirl View Post
Are you worried that he is just watching them and only wants to play there because of the dancers? I'm not sure he is saying that 'it' is more important but, when you think about it, he has to make himself happy first. Would you rather him stop doing something that makes him happy and resent you for it? That would do more harm to the relationship than what he is doing now.

And why would he continue to do something that is costing him money? I just don't see the reasoning behind that unless it truly is something that he is passionate about. I feel that it is a little unreasonable for you to threaten leaving simply because of this.

And from your last post it seems like this isn't the real issue. It sounds like you guys have some serious trust issues. And if you don't trust him when he is doing his job, why would you expect him to trust you? I think avoidance is the opposite of what you two need right now. Obviously trust and communication is a huge issue here and avoiding it will only create tension and resentment. Please think about some kind of counseling whether it be couples or individual. It's obvious that there are some deeper issues here.
It's a seriously toxic relationship. It has a ton of problems. He betrayed my trust big time on Labor Day. The worst ever. This is when he informed me that "it" was more important than me. Then he said would I please go away so he could get some sleep. I know it was immature of me, but I said why should I let him sleep when he just insulted me like that & didn't leave the room. Then he told me that I "didn't deserve to live", that he "would like to slit my throat with his knife", that he "would like to blow my head off with his gun". Then he threw some kind of antique metal thermos at me, I jumped out of the way & he threw it again at the same spot. I said he was out of control & I was calling the police. He said he would leave & go to his 35 acre farm for a while, just please, please, don't call the cops. I said okay. He went outside & called the cops on me & told them that I had threatened him. They came & said they were going to put both of us in jail & take my baby away. Then he told the cops he would leave if they wouldn't do that. He left for the day. I let him in the next day because he was threatening to evict me & I really don't have anywhere to go. If it was just me, yeah, I'd be gone.

I really don't think he watches the dancers & that I don't care if he does. I'm sure he meets them at the afterparties & whatever. Burlesque dancing just bothers me, it always has. I feel degraded that I am with a man who chooses to be in a band that backs that up. Like I am out there doing it myself, which is against my values. A few years ago, it wasn't an issue. Burlesque dancing was not something attached to the music scene like it is now. I would not have been involved with him if it had been when we got together. I support his music & would love to see him be successful with it, but the people coming out to these shows are not coming for the music! How does this help him? It's kind of embarassing. And it's not a job. I wish it were. Then it could be kind of justified. I don't have a problem with him playing shows, staying out all night, or for days, the drinking, smoking, afterparties, etc. The days of him sleeping afterwards. I don't understand why he can't just play shows that don't involve this one thing that really bothers me. That's the way it used to be & that's the way it is in his other band. The one that does all original songs, it's not a cover band, like this one.

And I haven't threatened to leave because of this. As you can see, it's a lot worse & more involved than this issue. Common sense tells me that I shouldn't be here after what happened on Labor Day. Fear tells me that he would destroy me & my kids if I did anything to try to get away from him. I do care about him as the father of my child, and we have some fun together, but I can't love him as my man, or trust him anymore after what happened. I haven't told anyone about it, because I feel so trapped & can't imagine what would really help, except to keep trying to keep the peace & don't forget what he is capable of. Scary for me.

I wish I were in a situation where we could talk, but if I try to talk & be non-accusing about things, he just starts yelling, cursing me out, threatening me, and acting generally acting crazy. He's not interested in working things out, just being a supreme ruler. You know, like "my way or the highway". Maybe someday I'll win the lottery & I can pick the highway!

Thanks for listening, anyway. It sure helps me to write all this out.