What is wrong with me?

My little brother was in town - which was great. I enjoyed seeing him and his wife. It is not the brother with the nieces, so I didn't have to worry about any of that. But over breakfast this AM he told me that he had large blank spots of memory from the years where we were growing up.

I ended up almost crying in public because we were talking about that stuff and I told his wife that was the reason I will never go back to Florida. She had went off in an email a few years ago and said some odd stuff she later appologized for. But one of the things she raged about was trying to say I needed to take care of the parents. So I was making sure she knew why I could never do that.

For some reason, saying all that just put me over the edge a bit.
I ended up drinking today - which I had been doing great controling. And doing some other bad behavior t hings which now just makes me even more angry with myself -

So I wrote myself in my email journal but then dumby me sent it on to my T. UGGGGG!!!! As if he wants to hear all that junk!

I am not seeing him until Friday. I saw him last Monday. I am now feeling very strange because with the holiday, I have not had any real communication or even email in several days. Can't I just hold it together without HIM???

I hate feeling like this.