I'm getting very triggered in my own thread, but that's okay I think. PC is like RL in that way; you don't always get the answers you need or want. Some of my threads take on a life of their own, it seems.
Preacher:
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But he doesn't believe it's his role to meet those needs himself in our relationship, partly because whatever he gives becomes something he has to take away again when it's time to end treatment, and that makes it much more difficult for the patient to leave. It also tends to discourage us from developing close relationships with other people since it feels so good to have those needs met by our T's.
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Yes, that's how it's been for me with some of my Ts. But my former T felt like your does. She said she couldn't meet my needs; I'd just want more and more. She couldn't give me what I want. After 5 plus years, I was still miserable. Her method backfired. The child parts needed to be heard. I had no idea my new T would think touch is healing. That's something I never expected. But, even with my other Ts who didn't want to meet those needs, I fantasized about them meeting them. It was worse when they didn't meet them. Much worse than dealing with my current T who WILL meet them, within her boundaries, of course. I also have close relationships with other people and my T is helping me make those better for me.
So, I don't think there is a right or wrong method of therapy. So far none has worked 100% to solve the attachment problems for me. 
I am glad that your T's methods work for you, Preacher. I'm not arguing with you!
elliemay: I agree that there is no timetable in therapy. :
melba: Yes, the part of me that is supposed to self-soothe is there a teeny tiny bit. I have visualized holding the child when T was away, and a couple of other times. But that's only after we had those hand-holding sessions, which I suppose is all right if they help me get to that point. It's just so hard.....as you know. Thanks.
improving: yes, you get it. I think we established that in another thread. 
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I firmly believe that what I needed (and am finally getting) is the latter experience- my whole life I have 'tolerated the frustration' of not getting what I needed. I know how to do that, thank you! But that wasn't helping me to give myself what I needed; I struggled terribly with self-soothing because I didn't know what it felt like to be soothed- I literally didn't know what I was aiming for.
I got glimpses of it in other relationships (including therapeutic relationships), but all those relationships ended prematurely before I transitioned to soothing myself (often because the people panicked when my needs appeared to escalate and escalate on being met), and each time my needs were even higher in the next relationship. After a couple of cycles of this, I experienced terrible shame about my neediness, and knew for certain that my needs were so high they could never be met, that whatever I got I would want more and more forever, and that it was far too dangerous and damaging to even let anyone attempt to meet them.
My current T broke the pattern. She has consistently and lovingly given me what I need. When I wanted more, she gave me more. She never panicked- she held firm to her belief that I would calm down once I had 'enough'. And over time, something I couldn't even imagine has happened- I know that one day I'll be able to give it to myself, be able to be my own therapist. This happens in baby steps- a new willingness to try to self-soothe; spontaneously imagining what she would say or do for me, and trying to do it for myself; being able to draw on the feeling of being loved and contained even when she's not here...
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Do we have the same T? Your experience is almost exactly like mine. She is breaking the pattern, letting me email her, holding my hand, hugging me, and letting me express what the baby/child parts never were allowed to in other therapies. It's beyond my belief that she's doing it for me!! I ask and she gives. She honestly believes I'll be able to soothe my parts and give them what they need. I just don't like when she alludes to it NOW. Not yet. She scares me. At the same time, what if Preacher is right? What if it will NEVER be enough and I'll be miserable forever????? Sorry, I should have put a trigger on this thread but I didn't realize..........................