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It may work for you Rainbow. Everybody's different. I just had this huge fear of being dumped again because of my needs, but I started this pattern with him too because it was so ingrained. He thought that it would be much better for me to break this pattern of behavior by working it through and figuring out where it was coming from instead of repeating it with him and having him meet those needs because then I'd still reenact it in other relationships. That's not to say his way is the only way -- it turned out to be right for me.
But my T still allows me to email as much as I want and he also allows child parts to be heard and present in therapy... it's not like he's a cold fish or anything although I used to accuse him of that but now I feel very close to him and sometimes I wonder why I ever thought of him as cold and distant because he isn't. He just works differently than most of my other T's did but that's what I needed.
And now I do feel much better about myself, more confident in my ability to self-soothe because he believed I could do it even when I thought I couldn't. By working through this and learning to sit with the feelings I learned to relate to him differently also. Instead of going into a panic I can tolerate thinking about what I'm feeling, so my emails to him aren't full of accusations and rage and pleas for reassurance or help. By the time I email him I've already processed it enough on my own to tell him what's been going on and how I've been feeling, which is basically what we both hoped would occur eventually. When I can email him after I've managed to process things he still responds occasionally and that works for both of us because I'm not waiting for something I need in order to feel better. I already feel better by then, so if he responds it's like a bonus! I guess basically instead of reinforcing the need itself he's reinforcing my ability to sit with the feelings and process it instead of having a meltdown. That's a big thing for me because I had absolutely no confidence in my ability to do that, and now I am doing it!
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