WePow: Being "fixed" is not a "state," it's a "process." And the distinction between a state and a process is that in a process it takes continual energy and attention to keep it going. So, unfortunately, there's no relaxation. That's not a bad thing, that's a good thing. When you don't have to use energy and attention, that means you're dead. Seriously. I think you know this, deep down. I know all about hurting, and I sure do know all about drinking. Don't torture yourself about it. It happens. Can you sleep it away? Can you fantasize it away? Can you focus on being someone else who doesn't have that kind of problem? I know very well how scary work stuff can be. But you've handled it for quite a while now, and the chances are that you'll keep handling it for the near future, at the very least. I'm no all-knowing genius, but when I get into the kind of situation you're describing (very frequently, alas), I try (hard) to take a nap and mentally digest things. Please take care, and know that there are a lot of people out here who care about you, care about what you feel and care about what you do.