Quote:
Originally Posted by Improving
My current T broke the pattern. She has consistently and lovingly given me what I need. When I wanted more, she gave me more. She never panicked- she held firm to her belief that I would calm down once I had 'enough'. And over time, something I couldn't even imagine has happened- I know that one day I'll be able to give it to myself, be able to be my own therapist. This happens in baby steps- a new willingness to try to self-soothe; spontaneously imagining what she would say or do for me, and trying to do it for myself; being able to draw on the feeling of being loved and contained even when she's not here...
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This is very much how it's been with me and T. It was scary, scary, scary for me to ask him to meet my needs at first. I didn't even know I HAD needs. It took a LONG time. Once I started to learn how, T ALWAYS met my needs (within the boundaries of our relationship, obviously), and when I needed more, I got more. It SO hasn't escalated forever and ever. Now, I think that the lessons I've learned from T's example are starting to take hold, and I'm leaning WAY less on him and more on myself and other people outside of therapy.
I couldn't have imagined getting to this point a couple of years ago, but here I am. T never ever EVER stopped trusting that I would find my way, and I AM finding it. Just having him trust me in that way was a huge part of me learning to trust and depend on myself.
It takes time, and practice, and patience. It sounds like your T is willing to give you all of those. Maybe the first step is for you to give those things to yourself??
