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Roseleigh, I went through this with my T and I also felt terribly ashamed and humiliated. I almost quit therapy to search for a T who would give me what I wanted but he encouraged me to come back and talk to him about it instead of running away in pain.
I won't lie to you -- this isn't a one or two session process -- this issue came up in many, many sessions over a long period of time, but he helped me realize that the shame and humiliation came from being told that my needs were shameful when I was young. He said that people who weren't abused and humiliated for having needs as children don't have that kind of reaction when someone doesn't meet a need because they don't feel bad about having needs in the first place. He was gentle but firm in his explanations about why he felt it wouldn't be good for me in the context of our relationship but he also made it very clear that my needs themselves were not shameful or bad, they were normal and I deserve to have those needs met just like he has his needs met by other people in his life. It took a LOT of talking and crying and tantrums (mine, not his) before I really understood what he was trying to teach me but it was worth the pain and the effort because I am beginning to feel more comfortable asking other people for something I need and I no longer feel ashamed or humiliated if I am told no.
I know how horribly humiliating it feels... but I would try to talk about it with him. Maybe he can help you understand where he's coming from.
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