I am the sister to a sociopath brother with a horrible past which results in much of what you have spoken on in regards to nightmares and flashbacks. I too longed for the opportunity to have a healthy relationship with him but at some point I had to give up. Do I forgive him? I don't know. For the most part I just don't care. I know exactly where he is and can live with the idea that he will never be a threat to me again which very well may be why I can sit here and not care at all.

Do I still long for some sort of relationship with him? I wonder why we cannot have that and sometimes miss what I think we should have had but I do not long for anything with him. Of all the baggage I have, he was the first piece I really let go. No contact and minimal thoughts of him. During the holiday I do think about him and consider contacting but but once the holidays pass, I go back to not caring.