I'm not sure how helpful I can be because I've gone through the same kinds of feelings with 5 Ts. So I totally understand how painful therapy is for you.

Why are you seeing her 3 times a week now? I wonder if that's contributing to your difficulties. It gives you no time to process anything on your own.

Loving one's T is more common than not, but I don't know of any great secret as to how to deal with the feelings other than to accept them, and to discuss them with your T, which it seems you are already doing.

You say your T is supportive and giving but will not love you back in any way. Is it possible that you can reframe what she is giving you as a kind of love? I think Ts do give us love; in fact, it's unconditional love that we may have missed growing up. Your T thinks that going through that process will heal you. I wonder if it will help if you just accept that she IS giving you love, and that it's okay for you to accept it and not fight it.

I've had to learn to accept my Ts "love" for me as something that will help me to learn to love myself and not need her so much. I started a thread on that very topic, as it is something I struggle with so much, like you.

I too, was diagnosed years ago with BPD and I think those of us with that diagnosis struggle more than others with wanting our T to meet our needs and not being able to cope with the one-sidedness of therapy. It's very difficult to sort out the feelings for our T and to come to terms with what T is giving us, vs realizing it is T's job and she doesn't really love us.

I don't know what the answer is except to keep discussing it with your T. Do you have others in your life who could meet some of your needs so T won't be your whole life? Do you work? The more you connect with people IRL, the more you can get some of those needs met by others.

But still, I totally get that you are angry and frustrated with the way therapy is. I hope hugs are okay.