((((((zoo)))))))) Yes, like you said (and like I try to tell myself -- I'll get there one day!), the doctors are there for your healing -- it was all done professionally -- and their actions were to make things better, not to hurt. This was an act of self-care, deciding that you would allow the doctor to do the procedure. And you WERE in control -- your anxiety wasn't in control (because even though it was hard, you DID do this), AND the doctors weren't in control (you could have stopped it if that was the thing you truly decided to do -- but that wasn't your decision, you decided to face anxiety, accept sedatives, and allow the procedure). YOU were in control, zoo.