I wonder if this will help...it's a little to the left of what's been said so far.....Here goes: when I ask my t for something, and it's denied and I feel ashamed for asking, there is also, inevitably, guilt. As we are working through the feelings and thoughts, the guilt surfaces. What he says is, "It's not your job to worry about how I feel; it's mine. And it's my job to take care of my boundaries not yours. Nothing you have done hurts me, and none of this hurts the therapeutic relationship. Got it?"

Wanna ask me how many times we've had this conversation?.....don't bother: we'd be counting for an hour........

But where I was headed with this is that sometimes we don't separate shame and guilt. At least this conversation with him gets rid of the guilt...well, maybe after a repetition or two. And that leaves the shame which is about, for me, not having anyone else in my life that I trust to ask. But that's not true anymore. I can count the number of people I trust outside of therapy on one toe--and it's not the same person for different things--but, still....I'm starting to be brave enough to try asking for what I need...

It takes time. Lots and lots of time....