Hi, Thanks for your encouragement and support.

The urge is so strong! I'm not really sure how I am managing to control this. Except over eating. But that is not going to work but for long. I'm already hating that too. I have put on weight. I can feel it. Yes, I have had eating disorders. Anorexia. Now, it's binging and some purging.

Right now, I am just barely hanging on. I put the brush up to my ankle and just intensly imagaine the feelling. I so want to. I put the brush down and cry. I have even got out the hammer and sat staring at it. So want to put bruises on me. I love the feel of just scraping my skin off with the brush. I will brush until a spot is totally raw. I usually only to my ankles with that or hit my knees with shoes, rocks, wood, or hammers. And keep hitting untill bruises come up. and then I still keep at it.

I don't really know how I am not doing these. It's consuming my thoughts a lot.