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I've had T's tell me I can love those child parts too. But that doesn't help me because those child parts want THEIR OWN relationships with other people! They want to relate to adults in the only way they know -- as children -- and they want to be accepted and loved in that way too. Well, unless I'm prepared to reveal those child parts to anyone besides my T, it ain't happening. My T does accept and care about them and he allows them to play in his office while they talk to him, and he adjusts his conversations somewhat to accommodate them but he and I both know that he can't ever be the parent they want him to be, and he doesn't want to give them the false hope that he can be the good parent who loves them unconditionally -- which is one of his reasons for maintaining the boundaries he sets on meeting needs.
So this whole idea of me loving them is a moot point because that's not what they're looking for anyway, and my T knows that so he doesn't even bother telling me I can love them. He's trying to work with all parts of my system to at least establish a peaceful coexistence which will hopefully lead to an agreement between parts that we will work toward having relationships that meet needs on different levels even if we can't actually reveal the child parts because most people wouldn't understand.
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