Quote:
|
She has been so supportive and comforting of me and I know that a lot of the changes I have accomplished has been due to her encouragement. But the feelings I have for her are painful to me because I know she is only my therapist and will never love me back in any way. I have told her frequently about how it is a struggle to see her and how much it hurts not to have my love reciprocated. I try to quit therapy at least once a month I think.
|
I went through this also, and what helped me a lot was reading about BPD. That made me realize that my intense attachment, my discomfort with the attachment, my anger at her, my desire to quit (to abandon her before she abandoned me) was basically part of the BPD pathology. So I did realize (eventually) that those feelings were not a reason to quit, they were a reason to stay. And when I felt like quitting, I would remember that, and then perceive that my discomfort was not due to her. It was due to me, and to an unhealthy part of me that I needed to heal.
This is not to say that all therapists are good, and that you should automatically stay with a therapist that doesn't work for you. But what you are describing sounds like feelings and dynamics that often happen in BPD therapy.
The situation you describe, and your T's behavior, raises no warning flags for me. I used to have BPD (my T, also an LCSW, also did not focus on diagnostic labels) and for me, therapy was horribly painful, and awful. And it went on for years. But it did work, and it was totally worth it, so now I am glad I stuck it out.
Take care,
-Far