As a kid, I used to beg my mother to admit to me that I was adopted. I couldn't/didn't want to go to where I had to go to integrate that my actual real biological father could do such things to his own daughter, a tiny infant. YUK. Then, during a time when I was knee deep in an incest survivors group, I had a new memory that pushed my credibility with myself: 1) it wasn't daddy dearest. 2) I was a newborn, 5 weeks early and 5 pounds big, surrounded by white, like a day old, in the hospital. (I've never told this one before.) My senses, ie: my body gave this memory up. so,there i am, i assume in the nursery, all glarey white, two big things by my crib (men), voices, laughter, the words "watch this", then instead of a bottle of milk, i had something else in my little hand and mouth.... their laughtr, my going rigid, blank.... whew, this memory, i scared myself, Oh god, I've really crossed the line this time....... how in god's name could I remember ???? not to mention, who would do such a horrible gross thing??? I really dumbfounded myself, and was scared i was loosing what was left of my mind. fortnately, i live in redwood country and the trees gave me an image i could live with: these huge, 300 foot, ancient trees bear the scars: the memories of everthing they've survived is in them: fires, drought, lightening strikes, wet years, whatever... all right there in and on the tree. i figured, if they can remember hundreds and even thousands of years.... i guess i can make room in my head to be able to remember back 40.... though, i must admit, it still makes me shake my head, wanting to disbelieve. then i think, heck, i couln't make this s--t up. my god. it was so impersoal, i was like a gadget to them. then, to be taken home to my fathers domaine.... it's like i became a moving target for scumbags to take advantage of, like they could see me coming or something. so, now we get to my hypothesis: our physical energy field, or aura gets torn. it's like, if parents, family, community, society, etc. love, support, protect, honor, encourage, etc. a child, it has a sense of self that is strong. Allowed to be a self-defined being, with respected boundaries, this little critter puts out a vibe of expecting to be respected. Other people feel it unconsciously and keep their distance as it were. On the other hand, those of us who were not respected, whose life experience has taught us to expect the worst, well, i think that gets into our auras and scumbags pick up on it and take advantage. Give us what we expect. So, we have to start from scratch and consciously do for ourselves the honoring and respecting of our needs and wants (so we can even figure out what they are) and create a knowing of ourselves that presents itself (in our auras) as boundaries to be respected by the world.piece by piece put pur pieces in places where we want them. ya know? ok, time for cocoa now. hope this made sense to somebody.