After many many years of knowing and being treated for Bipolar Disoder I have just now fount myself to have Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm so relieved. There is so much about me and the things I've done that didn't qualify under the diagnosis of BP. Vengance, abusing people who have hurt me. I was recently let go of my job and I almost beat up my boss in my fit of rage. My boyfrind recently broke up with me because his ex-friended showed up with his baby...I did some really outlandish, illegal and stalking type of behaior. I couldn't handle it. Fortunatley it didn't last long...I wasn't arrested...but I acted out to the extreme to make him suffer and hurt as much as I was. I no longer do this, I left him a message apologizing for my extemely out of control behavior, nastiness. I abused his family, I abused his ex-girlfrelnd, I threatened legal action accusation (some of them very truthful and potentially damaging to his self-worth, the falior of the man he his. Pathetic, sexually unsatisfying and insulting every area of his life on many, many levels.

After doing some extensive research on my own I reconzide the symptomes of BPD. The next time I saw my P-doc, she said she knew that and even showed the notes she made in my file about this. She didn't bring this to my attention because of our focus on BP and getting my meds tweeked to the right meds for my tx of BP. She explained to me that this is not a chemical imbalance, but a behavior illness after being honest with her about the things that I was doing recently to my ex-boss and ex-boyfriend. She also said that these issues can only be worked out through extensive therapy...which I am in and have been for quite some time. She too knew that this is another part of my diagnosis but does not have the porper exducation and titles to diagnose or even mention it. She is thrilled at my own recognition of this issue. So our setions can finally be based on this very issue...an illness that can only be treated through therapy as it is a psycholgical and behior issue and not a disorder that can be treated through meds, but important to get my BP issues stabalized through meds and the chemical balance that I do pocess. So know is a very important time for me to work all this entails.
I'm not sure yet how this will be handled and dealt with, but do know that my t is qualified to adjust our therapy appts in learning the sorce of this problem.
My issue is that I'm now aware of this illness and fear of still acting out the inappropriate behaviors untill I make progress with coping stills that I will continue to have until I've learned to control this issue.
I would appreciate any feedback on how others have made progress in this area of mental illness.
I've received some advice from my P-Doc, but none I feel is right for me...at least at this point in my tx.
I'm also looking for others experience and hehaviors you've displaced in this area to see if I can relate to those too.
I look forward to the responses of this post and the potential for recognizing other things ppl with BPD they have done because of this very issue.
TgrsPurr.