thankyou Lee, sorry to hear about your husband, so glad you have found peace, holidays are definitely the worst, i wrote this a couple of years ago, i too have finished 'grieving' and like you am happy to stay single, i was told as a child that in the world there is someone special for everyone out there, i feel i found my someone special and lost him to God so there is no one out there for me to find or who i could love like i did Jim. I have a couple of male friends who give lovely hugs and i am content with that. whenever i feel down i arrange to meet one of them , i am up front with them when i need a hug, they both know we are all just friends and are happy with that.