(((((((whoswho)))))) You weren't fooling yourself by starting this thread. Even if you're going through a rough patch right now, that doesn't in any way detract from all the progress you've made. The progress is still real. I know it's very disappointing when we feel like we have gone backwards, but realistically, I think that progress is often more like a graph, with ups and downs, than a straight line in one direction. It's hard for me to remember this because I'm very black and white in my thinking, but I do believe it's true!!

I'm really sorry your demonstration didn't go as well as you would have liked. The idea of giving a demonstration sounds nerve-wracking to me, so I think it's great you even tried to do it!! And I can imagine you are being hard on yourself now in retrospect, and it may well be that others had no idea you were struggling. Or even if they did, they will have forgotten it very quickly.

Sending you good vibes and wishing you good days!! Keep coming back to read that list in your first post. That's real progress!