I never said Transference Focused Psychotherapy did not work for Borderlines. TFP and IFS are very different and deal with transference differently. TFP is acutally based on Object Relations and was developed for Borderlines and other personality disorder treatment. It is extremely structured and involves twice a week sessions where the client lives out the relationship-dyads with the therapist. The therapist is trained in this method and brings to "light" the dyads that are occuring.

Those that utilize TFP are VERY different from IFS therapists. They are very different therapies.

The point of IFS is to bring the parts in harmony so the Self operates like an orchestra. All "parts" playing their role, when the "burdens" are lifted.
TFP does not deal with this at all. It focuses 100% of the object relation dyads between the therapist and client.

Look, I am not telling anyone what to do. You asked for advice. From the outside looking in, it looks like you have spent years in therapy and have the same problem. You focus on the T-relationship and instead of deciding on a "proven" method of treatment for BPD, you choose another treatment method. Not good or bad...but you are the one saying you have done this over and over and over.

Life is short. If you choose to spend it in therapy searching for a relationship that is a business relationship, that is your choice. But if you want to make changes, then you need to start somewhere. It seems quite lucky to me reading this that you can say that you have a family...and had parents that loved you. A T is never going to love you....it's their job and their business. You are searching for something that you will never get....why? Instead of focusing on the relationships you do have and their meaning?

What do you need from the others in your outside life? What do you wish your parents gave you that they did not? What would be your perfect parent/daughter relationship? husband/wife relationship? mother/daughter?
Those are where the answers lie.... your T is a T. Your relationship is a business to them. You have people that love you, what will help those relationships?

What happens in your life if you are not in therapy? Are you relationships with your family/friends more significant?
Why are you in therapy? For the T-relationship?

Many people go to work on relationships....because they have none, have no family, need family therapy because things are falling apart, addiction, eating disorders, depression because life is bad because they have no support, etc, etc. Why are you there?

Just asking questions...