Quote:
Originally Posted by madisgram
lfmn  , i think what's frustrating and hurting you is your father doesn't seem to VALIDATE your feelings. and we all have them/feelings. i had somewhat the same problem with my father when i was your age. right down to failing him in his expectations of me. i adored him so it made me feel "less than" and i felt he pulled his love away. he was not a bad man but his love was conditional. all of this was explained to me in therapy, the dynamics of not being validated especially by those we felt close to in the past. once i became a parent i fixed this in a way by always "listening" to my son. we all need to be respected this way i believe.
i'm sorry you have to feel you're not being heard or your feelings be disregarded. i hope you know you are being heard here at pc. i don't know if talking about this with him would help since you've tried already. have you considered writing him a letter and expressing how it/he makes you feel? if you do this try to use the "I" word rather than pointing the "you" word at him. like I feel....when this happens. it hurts me...etc.
this would give him something to mull over and consider without him disregarding your feelings in person. perhaps it would have an impact on him. |
This is true.. and it happened again today. I have work I got to do from school as I'm not attending and he told me that he's not going to take in my finished booklets until I read the book I was given for English (though I cannot complete the assignment given with it so I don't see the point).
I'm not interested in this book.. I love reading but this book just doesn't.. we don't connect. I tried telling this to my Dad but he won't listen. I tried reading it anyway and I found out it's not just the plot that I can't get into.. it's the style of writing.. I dislike the style.. extremely.. It over-explains things that make me lose track of what I'm reading; it adds in detail that don't need to be explained. There are a few blocks of text that take up 8 lines but end up being one sentence full of commas. I got halfway through chapter two and gave up because I couldn't read it anymore.
I tried to talk to my Dad about my dislike for this book and I was ignored. He read the sentences I hated and told me it was "just a more mature way of writing" that I didn't understand. I was completely frustrated.. I study writing and take that skill seriously. I want to become an author someday and have over 6 stories on the go.. So, I feel like I know what I'm talking about when I say that sentences really shouldn't be that way. Also as the reader I think it means something if I cannot follow the story because of it.. doesn't it?
My Dad will NOT take in my work if I do not read this book. I tried reading it, I can't read it, and it's not necessary for me to read it. My guidance counselor told me that I need to bring in my finished booklets so those marks can be added to my report card and I can get more. He refuses to take the booklets in and has been for weeks now. I can't do more work unless he goes in, and the more time he takes the less work I can do so it's a lower mark for me in the end. I got upset with him and told him this. He got defensive and tempers sparked and it ended up with me in my room crying.
This is where I now
hate depending on my Dad for this. I could go in and hand in my work myself but then for some reason I feel like he'll get mad at me if I do that. However I've want to go in with him so I can talk to the guidance counselor about putting me back into an alternative program.. I wanted to get in early so hopefully I can finish as many credits as I can but.. this is wasting so much time.. I don't want to talk to her without him there but he won't go unless I read that book and I guess the easiest thing to do is to just read it.. I dunno.. I'm frustrated and overwhelmed.. and seriously regretting abandoning regular high school again..
I've considered writing a letter.. well not so much.. When I'm upset and alone in my room, knowing he's not going to come in and apologize or anything I wish I was really ill and dying so he'd feel bad.. I think my deteriorating health is part of trying to get him to see me and hear me as well.. It's not working obviously.. I'm not even sure a letter would help either..
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