Quote:
Originally Posted by Elana05
Can anyone relate?
I don't feel horrible, horrible like I used to. Just alone.
Flat.
Last night I thought of two ways to describe it:
1) If the rest of the world is a collection of dots, I feel like the one dot that is out away from the rest, just out in space.
2) There is a room in my brain marked "motivation," but it's dark and unused. The lights have been off for years. Inside sits old, out-of-date machinery covered with inches of dust. Cobwebs are anchored at every surface. Outside of the room sits an old man on a stool. He has been there making sure I can't get in. When I approach the room he says, "you can't go in there" in a loud and booming voice.
So I turn around and walk away... again.
Maybe someday I will learn how to get past him, but I haven't yet.
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I do relate. But for me I was thinking a few hours ago that I am one person, in a sea of all the others. To someone outside if they seen me down the street they wouldn't know who I was and they'd know about my feelings and hardships just as much as I'd know about theirs. I started thinking this as I looked over my want to be different.. No matter how different I might make myself to be I'll still be a nobody to that stranger down the street. I don't want to be a nobody to everybody, but not everybody can be a somebody to everyone.. Makes me feel extremely insignificant and alone..
As for the old man.. well my motivation room is more like a house, and that house has a lawn, and when I so much as step on one blade of grass that old man comes running off the porch screaming and yelling: "YOU GET OFF MY LAWN" chasing me, trying to beat me with his cane until he can't see me anymore..
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