Jexa, I just wanted to really thank you for that. I felt like I wasn't in control, my T even said to me when I talked to her afterwards, you weren't in control. But you know...I guess I was. I have been thinking about that for the past 24 hours, ever since you posted. I know why I felt like I wasn't in control, and I know why my T said that, too. But I think she and I were both wrong. I might not have been AS in control during the time that I was sedated, but I made the choice to go there even though I really REALLY didn't want to. I made the choice to stay. I made the choice to change into the gown and talk to the doctor about my anxiety and about the drugs.

In that moment when I was sedated and so confused about what was going on, I wasn't in control, but what led me there was a series of wise mind decisions on my part. In that way it was wholly unlike my previous experience.

And...I'm here. I can talk about it. I can think about it. It's not a secret and it's not destroying my life. So, despite the similarities, it is so unlike what I went through before that it's almost not the same at all.