Thanks everyone.
I'm continuing on. Still fairly stable - which is great for my standards.
My real-life support structure is my bf (Who's usually too pre-occupied with his own life, but tries) and my T. I have a 2 friends I text and e-mail during the day. But I never see them, as they live 1500km away. Then there are 2 other friends i can text or see, but I don't really take the offer up too often, as the one is depressed herself and lost her sister to suicide, and her daughter in a car accident a year ago. So me with my "thoughts" - just not a happy scene.
And otherwise it's my PC family!

Hey NF - good to see you back. PC does help - my T has officially let me list PC as part of my support structure.
It's one thing to have discussed those thoughts; when I'm stable I can come up with the most elaborate coping plans and positive reinforcements - but when I'm in the depths of dispair and alone - those plans all go out the window.
Pls PM me your thoughts on this issue (NF), or post here.

Guys - you have been amazing and really helped me through a bad patch that I wasn't sure I was going to get through. With my T gone, my pdoc fully booked, my bf too busy... PC was where i found my support and strength!

Lots of hugs and love - Jackie