((((((((((((((zoo))))))))))))))

Last summer, I started to feel that I didn't need T in the same way, and it scared me. I cried a lot, and it was the main topic of our therapy. I LOVE T. The thought of being without him was SO sad

I was just thinking yesterday about the fact that we've kind of settled into this new relationship since then. It was a little bumpy getting here, but I'm okay with needing him less. I thought that he wouldn't love me anymore, that I wouldn't be "special", that he would forget about me and not care about me. None of that has ended up being true. If anything, I feel even closer to him, even though I'm seeing him less and we have way less contact between sessions. It's like I really really BELIEVE he's there in the background, supporting me, and like it's okay that I'm okay.

Just like everything else in therapy, I had to experience it to believe it. T could tell me "this will feel okay eventually" but there was no way - NO WAY - I would believe him. Now I see...it IS okay. I'm okay.

I did a lot of grieving before I got to this point. "growing up" is hard. I was SO scared that if I let go of T even a little bit, he would disappear forever...but that's not what happened. He is the same safe, consistent T. Our relationship has changed, but in a good way. It really DOES feel like growing up.

It's okay to be sad and to grieve. I know it's hard to imagine, but it really will be okay. Hang in there, sweet zooey