Ok, how does one start a story of the last three days of their life flashing before their eyes and falling to the ground in a flaming pile of rubble?

I suppose the intro pretty much tells you how my first days on Wellbutrin have been. I've been trying to get help and my doc said that because of how much of my anxiety can be blamed from stresses in my life, he would rather put me on an antidepressant that has some ability to curb the anxiety attacks that I've been having. At first, I was hesitant, thinking that an antidepressant would be bad news for me.

Let me rewind a bit. I've been depressed since I was 14 years old. I've been on Paxil, I've been on Prozac. Niether of them did anything for me, in fact the latter making me so apathetic that I had been on the verge of giving up entirely several times. My desire to not be on a medication closely related to either of them seems pretty clear.

Back to Thursday. Paying for my medications out of pocket wasn't fun, but I called my doc back and he gave me the idea of going to one of the cheaper locations next time, hopefully that will help at least a little with costs on my end of the planet. Sitting witht he bottle in front of me, nervously twiddling it between my fingers I have a panic attack. Settling my breathing, I put the bottle of pills into my bag, thinking about how I feel about starting them on the next day, which ironically was my birthday.

I took the first pill and later in the day had noticed a bit more energy. Probably not becaue it was my day off, along with the fact that I got up at 7:15 in the morning to get up to see the new Harry Potter movie, I would have usually been a wreck to say the least. I'm not what you would call a morning person, but I was able to get up and be active no problem. After a frustrating rest of the day, I end up in a fight with my now ex girlfriend, who'se birthday was that day as well. We didn't see each other and I was frustrated. Moreso than I usually would have been, which was strange. Shrugging it off after apologizing, I made my way to bed and only got about 5 hours of sleep.

Wide awake at 7:30 in the morning again I make a vain attempt to roll over and fall back asleep. Unfortunatley it's not working all that well so I roll out of bed, get up, do my morning thing. The ex is staying at the house I'm in currently, which made things akward in the morning to say the least. She wants to be friends, I still love her. It's a hard place to be right now, and one of the main reasons for my anxiety. She leaves, telling me that we are going to see a movie later probably. I'm supposed to go to a hockey game at 7:05, but by 2pm, all the people who were going to go with me had called with excuses not to go. I'm stuck alone on the day that I'm going to celebrate my birthday and I still haven't got a call about the movie. I figure there will be no movie and carry on. By 3 i decide that I want to celebrate and call up and leave a message ont he ex's phone saying that I'd like to join their party at the Spagetti Factory. Waiting until around 7, I call again, only to hear the phone picked up and hung up. Did she do it on purpose? I find myself getting angry. I'm not an angry person, why am I having these emotions right now? I'm finally called back by a friend who takes me out for a few pints. I probably shouldn't have been drinking that night, but I needed to get my mind off things. I had all but forgotten about the Spagetti Factory and how angry I was until I got back home. Falling asleep, I'm loudly awoken 45 minutes later by the ex coming in again. I put on some clothes and walk out and try to talk to her. She apologizes for not calling me back, but the coincidence that she just hasn't called me back at all when she was the one complaining that she wants to be friends now and hang out, I'm thouroughly confused. I give up and make my way to bed.

Lying there until 5am, I finally fall asleep, only to wake at 7:30 again. I'm not pleased at this moment in time, but I find that I'm not tired. The normal just waking up tiredness is there, but none of the rest of the being groggy from only a couple hours of sleep. Taking my medication for the 3rd day, I wake the ex to tell her to have a safe trip back to school, and that I hope she has a good day with her friend. She's been awake since I showered, making a joke about how long I was in the shower. I told her I needed to wake up, it's about the only thing that works for me. I lean down to give her a hug, only to have her move her head a bit and not hug me back. I instantly feel what can only be described as a dagger in my heart. I now know I need to let go and she can come to me when she's ready to treat me like a human being again instead of some disabled puppy following her around.

Through the day I find myself at work and I'm antsy. I have been trying to find people to talk to online on my buddy lists and it seems like nobody is here. Nobody to listen to... I don't know what. Do I still talk about the ex and what happened? My justification for being upset and how much I still love her? Struggling to manage the queue at work, I get it under control, only to find boredom overwhelming, the antsy nature coming back. I search the internet for only god knows what. Nothing there. I just wish that the ex would get online so I can talk to her about what these meds are doing to me, help her understand that I don't hate her, I'm not mad at her. Bloody hell, I don't know what to do. I feel manic, but I'm unsure if it's my body fighting from lack of sleep or if it's the medicine doing it's job on my body.

People say that Wellbutrin can affect people quickly, but I've never seen an antidepressant do anything like this. The energy, I feel like I'm on type of ephedra, unable to concentrate well, but hoping that it will pass. I find myself thinking about sex a lot more over the last few days, although I'm unsure if the thoughts were spawned from seeing my ex, or if it's the "libido enhancement" that so many people talk about with Wellbutrin. I just don't know if what I'm experiencing is normal. I don't know if I can continue this and ramp up my doseage this friday if it's going to continue like this. I'm giving up for tonight. I get to go home in 30 minutes, and hope to all things holy that I can get some decent sleep tonight, I feel like a monster.