Hello and welcome!

I understand how you feel. But, I do feel a lot better since I have been diagnosed because now I have medication and can be "normal" again. I think back to the times when I was not medicated and some of the things I did and said to those I loved. But I couldn't help it at the time. I hate the mood swings and being iritable which still happens despite good medication. But thank goodness it doesn't happen that often!