I am still facing them as an adult. I discussed some of my childhood fears in counseling. Specifically, when I did my inventory.

With regarding to intimate relations. I have always been terrified of marriage. I now realize that I am afraid I will fail. My parents did not show me how to love another person. My parents, in my opinion made such a mess of things in that regard. Neither one of them understood how to handle unfinished business. I was not raised by my dad. I spent time with him in infancy and toddlerhood. But, eventually he moved away and I never saw him again until I was 29 years old. After a year or so it was clear that we would not get along, so I stopped trying. I was the one who initiated everything anyway.

I am not attracted to men who take the initiate either, hmmmmm, I wonder why? Ironically, I would like to be with someone who is really there. I have a friend, my mom is crazy about him, I have lots of doubts. I suspect he has very little to give. And frankly, I have lost quite a bit of interest....