Hello,

Well I haven't had malt beer for like four days and while I'm with my partner and am not away in a motel room for work, it's easier. However, I am worried that life is over if I don't drink.
I definitely self-medicated with alcohol. It was my moment where I didn't feel ugly, repulsive, a failure, or anything. I would watch movies and try to meet people online. Drinking is an extremely maladaptive behavior and it as affected my life for years. I realize that it may be the primary cause for me not finishing my Bachelor's degree and keeping various jobs. i just can't stand the thought of never drinking again, at least socially if I were go out to a club (never do but just in case). I am still young!
I'm not drinking now because I don't want to lose my job and have missed so much, thus have not had steady income. Plus, I'm scared I'm hurting my liver.
My question is, does anyone here believe that a person who drinks a lot to self-medicate can tone it back and then eventually just has a few nights a month of getting drunk for fun? I know that is a minority thought. I'm not ready to think of permanent abstinence at this time. I would be open to AA but I know there is pure abstinence.
I know I need to not drink like I did, but I also don't want to stop living.
For now I'm not drinking...let's see how long that lasts.

Z

P.S. I don't mean my post as an insult to those who practice or strive for abstinence; I admire your dedication truly and wish all success in leaving behind these vices.