Professional help is an option and one of which I have already taken advantage. I have a therapist right now that I have had off and on for a while. Not sure she is the perfect one for me but she is the one I have, has proven to stick with me even when I have not stuck with her, can occasionally been challenging (though not as much as I think she should) and one which I am about 95% sure I can trust.

It's a long process. I know I just need to keep fighting thought sometimes it is just so exhausting. One step at a time