I can't even believe it. Our families weren't on great condtiotions, but I never thought, no derserves, especially not them, no one should... Uhg well I should explain....

My neighbour, Kelly, he, died last night. I only found out a couple of hours ago. I used to be good friends with his son, Jake. His mother, this sounds bad, but is a *****. But I would never ever want something like to happen to anyone, even more for her because, for someone like her, you can;t afford something like this to happen. It makes you worse.

It sounds selfish but Im so concerned for my father now. Kelly's death came so suddenly. They found a whole in his heart only 2 or 3 weeks ago. Its just not fair. My dad has so many health problems. Kelly was only 40 something. ITS NOT ****ING FAIR. Especially so close to christmas for their kids. Omg Jake, Abby. I just want to hug them, I don;t really know them anymore, but I feel so ******, and guilty. I don;t even know why...

Well I do... I had nightmares all last night...... Their dad was in my dreams, and I was yelling at him because I had just come home from the hospital because my brother and mom had died and he had come home from the hospitable alive. I was crying in my dream and real life while I was sleeping and felt like someone had really died..... I feel responsible, I feel bad, like it was our last conversation.... Uhhg... Im not saying im psychic or anything but... I felt it coming, in my dreams..... I havn't thought about him in a week or so, he just came into my thought processes so randomly....

Why do I feel so bad about something I didn't...couldn't have even caused....