yoda, unfortunately you will always miss him if he was your perfect man, but god will reunite you when it is the right time and not before(trust me i tried)
be grateful you still have your son, try to enjoy your time with him and when alone be thankful that you can be master of the tv remote, have all the duvet etc, try indulging yourself in long hot bubble baths, candles always make me relaxed and calm. Thinking of you over the festive season, i know it is a hard time for everyone who lost their loved one
be kind to yourself x