Thank you so much for replying and understanding Jexa. I do indeed wish I was T's daughter (all the time). T's child getting ill is one of my worst fears, because T would leave me for her.*My feelings towards her child are so complex- sometimes I feel really jealous and hate her, other times I feel so protective of her and wish she was my sister and I could look after her. I have a lot of anxiety, both that T will only have enough for her child and not for me, and that her child doesn't get enough because T I take it all. I wish she didn't exist yet at the same time I so want her to have a happier life than I have.*

So I guess it brings up sibling rivalry and how I didn't get enough as a child and my fears about how I'll make sure my children will get enough when I'm a mother.*

Overall, I'm glad I know about her child. There is something healing in experiencing T parenting her small daughter alongside reparenting me, and in seeing that this time round there's enough for me too.*

I don't think that stopping the contact in reaction to this would be the wise decision. Surprisingly, it is very reliable, perhaps because my T provides DBT which has telephone contact as an integral part, so my T has it so well built into her life. I do appreciate what you're saying though about real life being unpredictable and needing to be flexible and accepting. I will work on this.

I guess I'm disappointed that I still react this way. T gives me everything I need. I *know* she's not going to leave me or forget me, not only because she tells me every day but because she's consistently shown me over time, but this is still my instinctive reaction when she doesn't reply.