OK ... its been 2 years.....dealt with the CSA and other abuse issues. Now I am just trying to figure out life and have a clear head. I had been going to T weekly for most of this time. Recently I have been going more spread out to every other week. Lately I am not sure I want to go at all. There are propbably several reasons, but one that just sticks in my head. I feel close to T. I feel like he is a very good friend and that we have a connection. I dont mean in a mushy way, although at one point I did feel in love with him. But I dont now. I mean he has his own life, and I have mine. He is going to be getting married soon and I am just a patient. I am trying to live my life. I guess I feel a little lost on where to go from here. It really doesnt have to do with him so much, at least I dont think so. Although I do feel more like pushing away now more and more, and I wonder if it is because I know he is getting married or if there is another reason.
I spoke with a good friend of mine and he says it is because I am growing and that it is normal to grow out of therapy. What does that mean exactly? Are we supposed to feel this way? Am I supposed to not want T anymore? meaning not want to go and talk. I still have issues. Am I supposed to figure them out now by myself? Maybe my questions sound a little childlike. idk. I guess I wonder how to know that I just dont need him anymore. part of me feels like I will miss him soo much but part of me wants to let him go and never see him again. WHY? kinda makes me want to cry when I think to much about it.