I had another appointment today. Quite frankly, it was boring.

We really did not talk much about anything at all.. mostly about home schooling and my lack of motivation in daily life.

I don't know how to talk to a T. It has been so long since I did this and all I did as a kid/teen was talk about the 'obvious' reasons I was there - my brother was very violent, I ran away from home, I mis-behaved a lot, etc. We never really dug deep though and worked through any issues though. It felt so... pointless.

The past couple weeks since my last appointment have been really crappy. It has been stressful, my husband and I have had some issues, I have been very depressed, had bad dreams, my brother's birthday was Monday... just lots of things. But we did not talk about any of that. I did not talk about any of that.

When I started T, I talked about how my depression has killed my motivation and made me unable to function (my 'reason for being there'). So that comes up every time I'm there. But I don't really want to talk about whether or not my motivation has improved. You know? That's not the ISSUE. It's just a symptom of the issue. I peek at the paper that she has for each appointment. So far I a have been dx'd 'Depressive Disorder NOS'. That kind of shows how little we talk about.

Last time we did talk a bit about my teens and about when I ran away from home and such... so I guess I was kind of feeling like we were going to continue along that vein, you know? Talk a bit more about what has lead me to this... I don't know.

I feel like a failure at therapy because I can't just open my mouth and say 'this is what my problem is... help me.' My husband offered to make me a list of things to bring up. I told him to feel free.