((((((((Taynat))))))))))

I'm so sorry!!!!!! Wow. It seems like you are having some very intense emotions inside. I hope you can find a new T to talk to about this if even only in the short term. I truely think you need to step back for a while to untangle some of the things going on inside. It sounds like this might be a big step towards healing too. Keep talking! We are here for you.