I am so ashamed right now, so ashamed that I haven't even told anyone in persom about this. I think it's just easier to write this to people who I don't know personally, that way being judged is less intense for me.

Recently, I wrote a post on here in the relationship section about my struggles in wanting a relationship with a man in my ethics class (this is kind of ironic). All semester we have talked and have hung out with each other and since I've grown to what I think of is love him. Now I'm just feeling many things.

Today, after class, he asked me if I would like to get some coffee with him. I agreed since I didn't have any other classes and it's cold so it seemed like a good idea. We went to a coffee shop and talked for about 2 hours, great conversation and he's just so exciting to me. We talked about many things, politics/current events etc.

Later, we drove around for a while and he lives off campus so he took me to his house. I should have seen that this was a bad sign. But no less, I ignored it and that's when things started to happen. This is probably the time I should tell you, he's married, (his wife was at work). Anyway, I finally got the courage to give him my poem I wrote for him a while back, because even then I knew how I felt about him. I had just been working up enough courage to give him my poem (I carried it in my bag all the time, I know I'm lame lol). Since I wrote the poem in German, I had to translate it to him, but he still liked it, like I knew he would. Needless to say now, we made love, at least I would like to think of it as love. Although I know he is married and he won't leave her for me, in that I don't or would not ever expect him to.

On that note, I feel so disgusting right now, I keep thinking maybe I'm dreaming and that it never happened. But the other half of me feels glad that it happened. I guess I don't know how to feel. I am the last person anyone would think would do something like this. I've never done this before and I feel terrible about it.

What advice do any of you have for me? I am dreading class on Friday because that's when I'll have to see him, and it will be so very awkward. I don't want to go, but I have no choice.

Please don't judge me.
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