Ok, so here goes...

What I am about to say is said out of love and concern. It is not to upset anyone or hurt anyone's feelings as I think will become clear.

This particular forum has long been the kindest, safest and most supportive forum on all of PC. That is why I am proud to belong here, why I have always been so glad that I was a part of it.

Now I'm seeing something completely different and I'm going to address what we've all been dancing around for the last few weeks.

More than just fellow survivors or people sharing a dx, we were friends here on this forum. We cried, laughed, hid and played together. We supported one another and talked out our problems.

We have had a few very inflaming threads over the last week or so and it has broken my heart to see a couple very upsetting threads spill their poison onto the good kind people of this forum.

There is a huge swamp of pain right here in the middle of this forum and we have all stepped into it and dragged it into other threads, other forums and into PMs... we have taken it into our already horrific nightmares and we are all miserable because of it.

None of us want to see all the pain inside everyone else in this forum. we are too focused on being hurt and in pain ourselves. I am all for taking care of yourself...but we have to reach out to one another to solve the problems that have started here in DD. we have to reach out and NOT flare up. we have to remember that those charitable qualities are what made this forum so dearly loved and cherished. we need that again.

There have been arguments starting up all over this place. Someone posts something and another person reacts out of the pain that post inadvertently touched. We've triggered one another and jumped on the defensive from the triggering then refuse to step back and figure out how much was what was actually said and how much stemmed from past pain and trauma.

I think sometimes that what happens is that we need one another on this site so much that when something threatens the support lines that we have created the backlash is huge. We are all terrified that what we need will be taken from us here too...just the way it has been in our everyday lives. We are so scared of that needing and of losing what we need that we jump back and attack the very ones we need most.

PLEASE can we step forward and reach out once more. PLEASE can we acknowledge our pain and the pain of those around us. Can we also acknowledge our part in all that pain?

If we have problems with another member and it is one time or just a few times then try to work it out. If it's just a case of big mix-ups and misunderstandings can we offer forgiveness and a chance to start again? If it is someone who consistently upsets us can we take the steps needed to protect ourselves and put that person on ignore?

If, on the other hand, we are the ones put on ignore can we take the steps necessary to examine our behavior? Can we try to figure out if it is something we are actually doing or if it is something inside the other person that is making them react the way that they are? Can we then accept that the person has to do what they need to in order to keep themselves safe and that it is far better to be on ignore for a bit than it is for us to fight and hurt one another?

We are loving at cross-purposes you guys. We are hurting those that we care about and hurting ourselves in the process. Leaving isn't the answer. The answer is in reaching out and pushing away the pain with our love and support. The care bears did it with the care bear stare... surely we have something that is just as powerful and just as good and kind.

We need to keep reaching out to one another even if we feel like we are the ones who have been doing most of the reaching in the first place. This site and each and every one of you on here are all worth it.

I want to take the first step...and i hope that the rest of you will follow.

My name is Shadowdancer and I have been hurt and have hurt others.
I am sorry for my part in any pain that has been caused on DD and on this site as a whole.
I hope that anyone I have hurt will accept my most humble apologies and will allow us to be friends again.
Please accept my love, support and friendship and let us take steps together to be the site
that we have always been even when it is lost under pain.

Thank you for everything that has been given to me here.
I hope that I can continue to give and receive for a long time to come.

(((((((((((((((((((((((all of you)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))


shadowdancer