I want to finish the replies I didn't get to. Sorry if I missed anyone. It wasn't intentional; this thread just got too long and triggering for me.

bloom: what you said about possibly being addicted to excitement I'm sure plays a part in my "addiction" to therapy. I didn't have a chaotic childhood but I do seem to crave the intensity of therapy. As unhappy as I am about my session yesterday, part of me likes that feeling. Maybe it's the feeling of being noticed and even punished, in a matter of speaking. I wanted to be punished for driving by T's house. I was such a good kid, never got punished, didn't have the attention that could lead to intensity. I don't know if that makes any sense or not. I know craving intensity is a "borderline trait" but I don't know why.

Sannah: I appreciate your encouraging response! IFS has as its goal for the Self to be able to take care of all the parts and my T knows what she is doing in working with me to attain that goal. I tend to want to fight doing it, and that is something new to discuss with her.

What you said about receiving and giving love is interesting. I want to receive love very badly, probably more than giving it, but I am embarrassed about receiving it and tend not to believe it's for me.