Googley,

You are listening to that inner voice that is telling you what to do to feel safe. As to telling the real truth why you don't feel you can visit them... I think (from my own experience) parents are not able to hear us when we want to have this kind of honest conversation. It would be different if it was in a family therapy session or something. But I know my parents just get immediately defensive around stuff like this. Unless you feel that it is time to say something.
Or you could stand your ground but say something like "I have a very serious 40 page paper to work on and I just don't have time." Or I don't know if this is an option but I recently have been working (in therapy) on asking my parents to come visit me for a change. Would it be possible to say something like, "Look, I have these two days off - why don't you come to visit and stay in this nice hotel and we can meet for dinner at this restaurant." (??) But with this type of emotional abuse... Is it worth it for your mental health? I guess that is the question...
Oh Googley... I wish I had the right answer. I want you to have a really nice holiday, so I am inclined to tell you to choose whatever it is that would give you the most joy, moment of relaxation, calm etc.
You are an important person and you deserve to feel at peace and happy.

When we are young we must look to our parents.
When we are adults we are free to make our own decisions.

Sending supportive thoughts your way.



E