Lately, I've been fantasizing about suicide. Though, I don't consider myself suicidal. It's just a place in my mind to wander to, the ultimate escape. Sometimes, usually at night, I dream up ideal suicidal situations and it gives me something to hold on to. A kind of last hope, under my control and stored away in case things ever got too crazy. A reason I joined this forum is to discuss topics no one else can listen to without judging me or freaking out. To me suicidal fantasies as an adult are the equivalent of wanting to run away as a child.