It sounds like you really NEED to get through this with your current T. Thing is it sounded like you trusted her SSSOOOOOOOOO much that you told a secret that was difficult. Now you are having panic whenever you think about her or go near her. Could it be that you are identifying her with the secret and the secret feelings. That's my guess. I can guess a bunch of things but I don't have any information to work with. I really hope you can settle down enough to work this through with her. Seems like she has been a safe place in the past.