When i was at school i used to eat an apple a day and was of course underweight. I didnt realise i had a problem though it started off with my friends not eating in the day so i never. They never had a problem they just ate if they had money or when the got home.

In school i always got people saying to me 'urgh your too thin' teachers telling me to eat or put on weight. Yet i didnt realise what i was doing and thought i was naturally that skinny. But i tried to put weight on and managed half a stone before giving up and going back to not eating as no one noticed when i did put weight on. I was also exercising even when it was 40degrees in the summer.

After i left school i started eating more, ive been slim my whole life. But i started eating more when i was 18 out of boredom.I still looked slim but i felt sick of how i looked and started the cycle of eating nothing for days then binge eating and throwing it all up.

I thought i finally got over that but i dont think it will ever go away. i still throw up even when ive hardly ate. my teeth are eroding. It hurts to vomit now and i get nosebleeds when i do. But i cant stop. And when i try to eat i just looked at my mum eating who is overweight and it makes me feel sick. I dont want to be overweight like her :/ and my whole family eats unhealthy and im terrified of ending up like that and overweight.

Ive been through ALOT growing up abuse etc and am a narssicist and i think its what caused this. I blame my mum for my eating disorder. Growing up she would say i had a fat *** and my sister would tell me i was greedy when i ate which led me to not being able to eat in front of people. im slowly recovering from all of that except the vomit and starving myself. I have body dismorphia and wouldnt leave the house when i was younger because i thought i looked repulsive. Im convinced my mum is trying to make me fat. Shes that type of person always encouraging me to eat junk and if i finally do she slags me off to everyone and to my face.

I just need help with the vomiting though. i think. Everytime i eat something thats has more than a few hundred calories i throw it up. And im scared my hearts going to give out. :/ how do i stop. I WONT eat meals. I rather pick through the day. And i like it to be healthy but sometimes i need junk or i feel like im going to pass out.

Im sorry ive rambled on for ages and this is the first time i explained my eating disorder to anyone and have tried to shorten it as much as i can and have left alot more out. I just need some help but i dont want anyone to find out