First i do wish you lots and lots of luck and hope that you move far away from this man and that you do not tell him where.

My sister stayed in a similar situation for over 26 years - you said why did you stay ...i can only tel you what i saw in her .. she left him heaps of times and came to my place .. he would ring and say how sorry he was and how he would be better - and she would tell me she loved him and go home. I had to accept that it was her choice.

She stayed because she loved him, because he was the father of her children and she thought that being in a broken family was better than a broken home like we came from - she was wrong - she knows that now - but hindsight is a wonderful thing isnt it ..

.- she thought he would change - and then he wore her down and wore her out - she lost her confidence in herself and her ability to cope - he made her think she would not survive wihtout him

she left him for the last time 2 years ago - it has been hard - many times she was tempted to go back - mainly to punish herself for staying so long i think.....JMO - oh and he would ring 14 times a day (no joke) and tell her he loved her and wanted her home ( pardon me while i throw up grrrrr)
and she felt sorry for him so she saw him now and then.. but that only dragged it out.

Now over 2 years downt he track she is finally strong enough to say to him enough is enough - leave me ALONE for good! and its taken 2 years for him to get that message

why am i saying all this - i want you to knwo that although its hard you can do this and yuo deserve a good life and so do your children - they can make good lives for themsleves and not repeat history - as my sisters children have - even though there have been hiccups along the way

by the way my father was the same way...

as to can they get better? - if they want to get help - if they see that they are not functioning well and by that i mean losing what they want ..they can change - they can learn - but if they dont - like your husband, my sisters husband and my father - they see that its all everyone elses fault and they are shining and clean - then there is no help for them or for those around them if they stay near hopig for a change that will never come.

I am so pleased that you are making a move for your happiness and its never too late.